suddenly feel like saying some nonsensical stuff..or perhaps it aint exactly nonsensical..i dunno..n so here i go..sometimes..ren yu ren de guan xi..relationships..not juz between a boy n a gal..frenz..family..very amazing..1 minute..can be like arch enemy..the other minute..can be super close like tat..guess itz like tat..sometimes..i saw it from somewhere..sometimes the nearer u wan to get close to it..the further u r from it..n to quote jun xiang's msn nick now..'sometimes the more u think..the more there is no real ans'..guess life is like tat huh..these few days leh..dunno how come..feeling kinda weird..kinda lost..kinda like im alone in a super duber big world..'im a small small gal..in a big big world..itz not a big big thing if u.......'..heard this version of big big world sang by mi before??ahahaz..kinda silly..but tat time i was realli feeling tat way ma..ya..tat time..not now..but still..im juz like a small small gal in this big big complicated world..lost..trapped..feel like being in a very very quiet surroundings..then open up to nature..okie..itz aint exactly nature coz the cars driving past r so loud..then..sing some songs im familar with..ytd then realised smth..u know gu dan bei ban qiu rite..tat time whenever i hear it i cry..for some reason which i dunno if u know..then..now..dun cry le..sometimes feel like crying..coz of reminsce..(correct spelling??)..sometimes when im supposed to slp..when feeling realli lost..will take out a bk..sit on mi bed..listen to some music..take out some chocs..eat..they say tat chocs make ppl happie..until now i still dunno whether true or not..actualli i think the choc also depends on who gave it to u..so far..nv realli make mi feel happie..but can get mi distracted from the subject ive been thinking in mi head..n coz itz smth sweet..guess so..tats how i get miself to feel being loved when i seriously need to..sometimes very lost..i tend to get very very tired..heard of the song 'li qi' by ou de yang?tats the song i like most in the cd..'mei you li qi..zai hui wei tian mi..wo xiang zhe guo qu xiang zhi miao xiao ma yi..'..then make mi feel like an ant like tat..hmm..guessed tat leads on to another thing..wad ive been thinking about last nite before i go to slp..insecurity..think when im lost..tired..will lead on to insecure ba..dunno wad to do..maybe itz mood swing..maybe itz pms..maybe itz juz insecure..tat day when mi mama washed mi small blanky tat was meant to cover mi soft toy doggie i got for mi bday last yr(im affectionate..hahaz..:P)..then share a blanky with it..then feeling super hot..dun cover blanky..feel a sudden insecurity..then no matter how hot it is..still cover miself with blanky..guessed im super silly huh..n..without smth dear gave mi for our anniversary whenever i go to slp..i also will feel insecure..i dunno y..though it has juz been with mi for some time..habit?i dunno..itz juz..let mi have some peace in mi mind..hahaz..im a troublesome sharon..a problematic sharon..with so mani super duber probs with mi..tat sometimes i juz dunno wads wrong with mi tat will create all these stuff..but i also very seldom say these kinda stuff..quite la..coz..im not a good speaker..dunno how to realli express miself well..tats y i say 'thank you' n 'sorri' a lot..but now..im learning to open up..hahaz..with his help..still trying..trying very hard..but..m i strong?zoe once told mi in a card before..if got anything muz say out..dun everything keep to miself n put on a strong front..hahaz..itz juz tat i dun wan ppl to worry for mi..whenever i suddenly no k when im outside with ppl..i will be very very very quiet..think about stuff..then ppl talk to mi..reply in short replies..give a weak smile..dun wan to walk away n leave them coz it will make them worry..but sometimes still will break away from the crowd though..go to somewhere realli realli quiet for mi..if not then will go to toilet..cool down a bit..sometimes will break down a bit..come out..smile smile..pretend theres nth much..im not a crybaby..oh wait..perhaps i m..emotional..very emotional..n also..tats a way i release the pressure..the stress..i was feeling..to release mi emotions..no matter how weak im feeling tat time..if theres someone whom i feel who needs mi..i will be there..realli..cant leave anyone in lurch..tats wad i always say..will be strong at tat time..dun care how bad im feeling..make sure tat person nv feels alone..tats smth sharon lim will always do ba..guess so..sharon lim..juz has so mani probs..so mani mani thing tat i dunno wads wrong with mi..
